Hiccups…C’mon, it’s 4AM!

I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but I enjoy sleeping. It’s a really nice, inexpensive, restful hobby and form of escapism. If I had the choice between a nice invigorating jog or a nap, I think I would chose the nap, that way I eliminate the probability of sweating, which gets my clothes dirty, which means that I then have to do laundry, which could then lead to more sweating, which leads to more laundry. It just really turns into this whole chain of events that aren’t pleasant. But sleeping ::rubs hands together excitedly with a dopey grin on her face:: leads to nothing more than snuggling under the sheets with a stuffed animal or a particularly cuddly pet, whichever happens to suit you, and away you go to wherever your dreams take you—sweat free, I might add—all within the confines of your bedroom. I like that! And then the worst thing that could possibly happen, happens…

HICCUP! HICCUP! HICCUP!

For the last three weeks or so—give a day or two—I have been woken up in the middle of the night by hiccups. We are talking about me being dead to the world asleep and the next thing I know HICCUP. Do you know how irritating that is?!?! We’re not talking about the kind of hiccups where you do it a few times and they go away or you hold your breath once for a couple of seconds and they’re gone; no, I have to get up out of bed and go get a drink of water and then sit up in bed for 10 minutes or longer trying different ways of getting rid of those darned spasms! Sometimes I swear they are so loud that I’m going to end up waking up the whole house!

In the grand scheme of things, I’d much rather deal with having hiccups in the middle of the night than constantly being dizzy, off-kilter, nauseous, or vomiting; but, seriously, if I’m going to have the hiccups, could I at least have them while I’m awake? Is that really too much to ask? They always eventually go away, but they keep me up for long periods of time and that’s not good for what I’m going through.

The Neurologist didn’t seem all that concerned about my having random hiccups in the middle of the night, but, then again, he seems nonplussed about everything concerning me. My primary doctor prescribed me Prilocec to see if that would help, but, as evidenced by my hiccup attack at 4-something this morning, it hasn’t helped. Granted, this doesn’t happen every night, it’s only once or twice a week, but it always seems to happen on nights when I’m getting a really good rest.

I’ve tried every method of betting rid of them that I know of—aside from breathing into a paper bag because me don’t have any—but nothing really seems to work. I hold my breath for a few seconds, but inevitably end up hiccuping WHILE I’m holding my breath. I’ve tried ignoring them and just count sheep, sheering the sheep, petting the sheep, herding them up a pretty green hill, but none of them seem to work really well. In the end, I’m not only annoyed that I have the hiccups, but I’m annoyed at my imaginary sheep for being of no assistance to me at all! Poor imaginary sheep!