Facades: Putting on a Pretty Face During a Not so Pretty Time

All right, just admit it, we’ve all done it: we put on a false front, a facade to cover up what we’re really thinking or feeling, possibly for the sake of others or ourselves even. I have almost got this down to an art form. I have nearly-mastered the art of putting on a happy face when, in complete and total reality, I want to talk like someone with a mouth full of Novocain. However, I know that when I talk that way people cannot understand what I am saying; furthermore, I don’t want to bring people down when they see me like that. Ok, I’m not typically a super upbeat person—I failed out of cheerleading and Girl Scouts because that sunshininess is just NOT Christine—but I’m a fairly funny and pretty sarcastic person (at least I am in my own mind) and so that is the facade that I have been putting on for people. I’ve been told that I don’t “look” sick, but you’re not seeing how I am once we’ve parted ways. Once I’m in the car with my mom—who has become my driver—Novocain Christine is back. That anvil from a five story building (that I talked about before) has been dropped and my ability to hold up that veneer is gone.

I can’t help but get sad and a little hurt when I feel like people around me are not taking what I am going through seriously. I’ve heard everything from “well, I get headaches too, you just need to sleep it off” to “all your tests have come back clear, so you must not be that sick”. Can you imagine how much that hurts? If anything, the fact that all of my tests have come back clear of anything major, but I’m still suffering these horrid symptoms should make one a little more concerned rather than dismissive. I’ve heard those lines and others from several people and it just “breaks my heart” as my one-on-one would say because it leaves ME feeling dismissed.

Ah, well, I have strayed from my intended rant on fake personas, but I hope that my point has made it across. Though I may put on a happy face—that’s including attempting to assimilate my make-up into something reasonable—doesn’t necessarily mean that I am actually feeling any better.