Who’d a Figured?

When you’re in the hospital you envision yourself at home, comfy in your own bed, surrounded by familiar things, using the bathroom that you’ve grown to love (if you know my family, 2nd to the kitchen, it’s the place to be), watching cable on T.V, answering the telephone; doing the things you’d always been doing. Today was my fourth day home and I still have not adjusted. I don’t know what it is…how could I possibly be missing that blasted hospital bed with the rod that sits right under your tailbone or the fact that all of the food HAS to be boiled in synthetic cow juices or the nurses and vampires coming at all times of the day and night to pump you up with drugs or sucking out some of your blood? Maybe, after 6 days of that, it just becomes some sort of security blanket or something…If I’m having a bad day, at least medical help is right there.

Today was not such a great day for me. Every time I ate, I got nauseous. I actually tossed my cookies last night and then again this afternoon. It wasn’t huge amounts, but still, I feel myself backpedaling again and I don’t like the thought of that. My routine basically consists of me getting up, eating a little cottage cheese and some yogurt, getting nauseous and taking my anti-emetic medicines, falling asleep, waking up and starting the whole cycle all over again. I am definitely a creature of habit (but, oddly enough, don’t mind change), but this is getting crazy! I do try to venture outside, but I’m so unsteady on my feet that I’m afraid one of the dogs might bowl me over and cause a whole host of other problems. My mom already thinks that my gait is kind of strange, but I don’t know that my Neurologist, little ol’ Dr. H will give a care about that.

I see Dr. H and my primary doctor, Dr. M on Wednesday, to see what they have to say about all of this. How they think the outcome of my hospital stay was, whether I’ve improved more or declined, it’s just hard to say. It’s true, I’m not talking to Porcelain John every two seconds, but I’m obviously still having problems with my stomach accepting food, not to mention I’m still dizzy, off-kilter, and migrainous at times. Hopefully I’ll be able to get my point across clearly to both doctors in regards to the dizziness and balance issues. I just kind of equate them as the same thing, whereas they don’t, so I need to try and make myself more clear, which is not an easy task right now.

Thankfully I am almost done with the Prednizone, which will hopefully mean the body aches will go away with it. My tactic last night of waiting until I was cross-eyed before I went to bed didn’t work out so well, so I guess it’s back to Strategy #1: having my mother put me to bed and rub my back until I fall asleep. It really sucks being 30 years old and having to have my mother put me to bed, but I suppose that just proves how ill I am; besides, there’s nothing like a mother’s touch, so I’m trying to take it all in stride and pray that it ALL goes away.

The best way I could get a picture of the bruise that is on my arm from my last IV (the green past and some of the black is my bruise):