Vomiting 101

Here is a list of helpful tips and tricks compiled by me, Christine Rachuy, someone who has become an expert at vomiting, albeit not by her own choice. As with all tips, tricks, and advice, they all may not work for everyone, so proceed with caution and find out which ones work best for you (P.S. I am NOT a professional).

AT HOME:: If you have the stomach flu or some kind of illness that is causing you to vomit frequently here are some tips and tricks that I suggest you try that MIGHT make the experience more “pleasant”.

#1…Make the last thing you eat be chocolate. This is because when you go to expel the contents of your stomach, the chocolate is going to be the strongest tasting thing in your stomach, thus causing it to ultimately be what the barf is going to taste like. Sounds gross, but it actually tastes pretty good.

#2…If the last thing you ate was something kind of chunky like cottage cheese, trail mix, or something of that consistency, DO NOT, under any circumstance, put your face within 6 to 8 inches of the toilet while barfing it back up. There is a WICKED splash-back factor that you will have to contend with afterward, which you don’t want to deal with when you are feeling ill.

#3…Though Jell-O is highly recommended as something someone with the stomach flu should consume while ill, be forewarned that it comes back up EXACTLY the same consistency that it goes in. It isn’t all that easy to get up, so I do not actually recommend it as part of your stomach flu diet.

#4…After every time you vomit, make it a point of going into the kitchen and taking a sip of water, protein drink, or vitamin water in order to replenish what you just waved good-bye to down the toilet. It sucks, I’m not going to lie, because it really is the last thing that you want to do considering what you just did in the bathroom, but it will help keep your nutrition and hydration level high enough to keep your organs out of danger.

IN THE HOSPITAL:: While you are in the hospital you have VERY little say on what you are given as food, especially when you are in there as a hyper-emesis patient, but I still have a couple of suggestions.

#1…Ask for the lemon flavored Italian Ice (Icee) at your mealtimes that way, when/if you vomit it back up (like I was doing), it comes up a lot easier than the orange and cherry flavors AND it gives you fresh breath in the process of yakking it back up; so, at least you’re killing two birds with one stone: throwing up and freshening your breath.

#2…If they have you on an anti-nausea/vomiting medication, ask for it when you are only nauseous NOT when you’re already vomiting because by that time you’ve passed the point of no return.

#3…Ice chips are your friend. They soothe your throat, especially after an especially bad bout of vomiting…it’s even better than drinking water…there’s something about the lingering coldness of the ice chips that soothes the throat, so make sure that your nurse, CNA, LVN, MA, whomever brings you as much of it as you want!

That is my barfing advice for the night. I hope that someone might find it a little helpful. Its mostly meant to be humorous, but I do actually follow these “rules”, so you can take ‘em or leave ‘em.