Unfortunately, Sadness Has Caught Up With Me

Throughout this whole ordeal of mine I have not once considered myself depressed. There certainly have been times where I have been sad and a little down but NEVER depressed because I have never felt the need to feel that way, no matter how badly my head hurts; how fast, slow, clockwise, counterclockwise, vertically, or horizontally the room is spinning; no matter how much, frequently, infrequently I throw up I have been able to maintain my personality; but today was different. From the very get go, 6:45am, things were just not going in my favor.

I woke up for a few minutes with my mom at 6:45am just feeling puny—to quote my Aunt Brenda—and then went back to bed. Then at around 7:45 I was woken up out of a dead sleep with the sharpest pain in my head that it brought tears to my eyes! So I took a Tylenol with Codeine and went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until after 11am! Waking up that late just kind of threw my whole day off, but I took a short walk—with the help of a walker and my dog Eden—on my street to the end of the dirt patch that marks the end of my property and back. Then I had a Pure Protein shake and attempted a nap, but that didn’t happen, so I went for another walk with my walker and Eden and this time we went a little bit further past the property line—and I paid the price for going a little bit further—and Eden just had a blast being the Service Dog that she was raised to be! Once I got back in the house I crashed on the couch, except that my brain forgot that when someone “crashes on the couch” it means that they fall asleep, so I never actually got a nap today.

Then I decided to begin the process of trying to become a writer for The Examiner, but I wanted to do a sample of my writing ability on paper first before I typed it out and sent it in, just so that I could make sure that it was grammatically correct, that it had good spelling, that it flowed well, had good content, all the things that you want as a good writer; so I bust out my trusty pen and paper to get started doing that—and we all know that I have PLENTY of both to take care of that business. But as I’m holding the pen in my hand and attempting to write the words on paper, the writing looks NOTHING like my normal writing. I put the paper and pen down and began to cry…writing is so much a part of who I am and to not be able to do it write now because of the weakness from the illness…well, it just breaks my heart. I know that writing doesn’t define who I am, but it is a large part of who I am and to not be able to do it right now really hurts. So, today would be the first time that I would say that I am depressed by the illness that has been plaguing me. Am I going to let it continue making me depressed? HECK NO! But today was definitely a hard day for me.

My normal writing before I got sick:






















Writing now: