Irony

Here’s a lesson in irony for everyone: you have a girl; all right, a young woman, who has been unable to eat much of anything since the middle of March (the 18th, if we’re being precise), that lives off of water and protein drinks and the occasional barf-friendly food in the house. It would make complete and total sense that seeing food on T.V would make said person queasy or hungry or even upset since she is unable to partake in any kind of food consumption; and yet, she is addicted to watching the Food Channel. In case you haven’t figured it out, that person is me, but it’s true, I’m addicted to watching the Food Channel. I blame it on my Aunt for babysitting me at her house one day and showing me the Food Channel Challenge Show. To see how these bakers, chocolateers, and sugar art experts work their magic in such a short amount of time is nothing less than amazing. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I wish that I could have a little nibble of the cake at the end of the show, but I know what the outcome of that would be, so I don’t even go there.

I’m serious, people; these bakers and such are AMAZING to watch. They are given 8 hours to put together these masterpieces made of cake, chocolate, or sugar of different kinds; and here I am and I can’t even handle a piece of Laffy Taffy without making a monstrosity of it! But, in my defense, I do have false teeth, so that should count for something, right? At any rate, while I was in the hospital I watched the Food Channel a lot and the nurses and my roommate couldn’t believe that I, a person there with eating issues, would be watching the Food Channel. They thought I was some kind of sick masochist or something I think because I wasn’t even holding down Italian Ice, but here I am watching huge tiers of cakes being made with no problem.

Maybe it’s a form of wishful thinking on my part, hoping that I will be able to get my grubby little hands on a piece of cake and devour it without feeling the slightest bit sick (or guilty) for eating it. Or, it could just be a form of escapism for me, distracting me from the situation at hand because my meds aren’t working properly (i.e putting me to sleep). Any way you slice it (pun intended), I have fallen in love with that channel.

Then there’s the WE Channel that features a show called Amazing Wedding Cakes, which is absolutely to die for! If I were rich, I would want a cake made by one of those cake artists, but since I’m not, and I doubt my parents would fork out $5,000+ for a wedding cake (if that day should ever happen ::crosses fingers::), I will settle on whatever is allotted in my budget. At any rate, I digress…Yesterday I watched one company make a wedding cake that looked like a beehive (yes, I said beehive, as in BUZZ BUZZ) suspended upside down from a “tree” made from PVC pipe and iron rods. It was absolutely amazing!

And then you get to Ace of Cakes where this guy Duff runs a bakery. He is such a character and the cakes that he and his team produce are wonderful. Sitting here thinking about all of these yummy shows is making me want cake, but I’ll go take a swig of Pure Protein (my new bestie) and that will solve the problem. Watching these shows, though, makes me realize just how talentless that I am. Here these people make intricate sculptures out of CAKE and I have the talent of a tarnished nickel…which translates into nothing. Unless we can count vomiting with great accuracy as a talent, but I don’t think that would hold up on a resume; I don’t think that many employers are looking for proficient barfers.

So, the moral of the story is: If you come all the way out here to Tim Buk Tu to visit me, don’t worry about eating in front of me…it doesn’t bother me one bit. Chocolate shakes do seem to stay down all right, but other than that, I am okie dokie smokie when it comes to people eating around me.

Food Challenge Show::


Ace of Cakes::