When you've been sick for a really long time (it's been 11 months), depression begins to set in. There's no sense in hiding it or being ashamed of it. It's a fact of being seriously ill and being cooped up in a house for a long time. I know, though, without a shadow of a doubt that my faith in God has not wavered one bit. I know that He is with me always and that He will be with me every step of the way, even when I am better. I have been lucky enough to read some wonderful devotionals written by some wonderful pastors such as my very own Pastor Greg as well as Pastor James McDonald, both of whom have gone through a trial much more severe than my own. Reading their devotionals has helped me get into The Word which, in turn, helps make me feel better because I am drawing closer to God. Then, for Christmas, a lovely friend gave me a devotional called GodChick, so I have added that to my arsenal which has left me in much higher spirits lately.
It's hard to find the positive when you're surrounded by negative feelings all of the time (I'm talking about the vomiting, the nausea, the dizziness, etc.); however, there is something that has come out of this whole thing that I am TOTALLY digging: my new body! I have officially lost 89lbs (granted I haven't lost it in a very healthy way)! I can actually CROSS MY LEGS! Unless you've ever been a hefty girl, you don't understand how awesome it feels to be able to cross your legs! At any rate, I am marveling at my new waist-line and hope to keep it that way once I am better!
I know I've said it before, but I will say it again because I believe that you can never say it enough: Thank you SO MUCH for all of the praying that all of you have been doing on my behalf! I know that God has a plan and a purpose behind my getting ill this year and I'm doing all that I can to learn and grow from it. I know that in His timing the doctors will have an "Ah-Ha" moment and will be able to figure me out or I will be miraculously healed or maybe it isn't in His plan for me to be healed, who knows? All I know is that I need to trust in Him that it will all work out for His glory...Amen?!
For now I would like to ask that people pray for my job situation as I will technically be losing my job come February 1st. I will be placed on a 39 month re-hire list, which is good. If, within that 39 month period I get better (and I will, darn it!) and can return to work, they will find a position for me and I can resume work, just with a different kid. In the meantime, I lose my benefits and have to go onto Cobra and all that jazz, so if you can please pray that the Lord will provide, that would be awesome! I know that I have God on my side and some awesome prayer warriors to help me out, so I REALLY appreciate it!
Until next time!
Me Before I Was Sick (I'm on the Left)

Me At Christmas
