Tomorrow, Black Hearts Day--more commonly known as Valentine's Day--I am going to UCLA to be seen by one of the Neurologists there. The last time I saw my Neurologist at Kaiser, he threw up the White Flag of Defeat and put in the referral, so tomorrow is The Day! Hopefully they will have some whiz-bang test or see something in my medical history over the last year that makes sense to them so that they can give me some answers; however, like always, I am going into this not holding my breath. There's no sense in getting my hopes up that they're going to have all of the answers...we all know Who holds ALL of the answers, don't we??
I'm asking that everyone that reads this, if you don't mind, to pray for the Neurologist seeing me tomorrow, that he/she would have clarity and insight. Please also pray for safe travel--L.A is about 86 miles from Nuevo--and also pray for me for my health and for my stamina for tomorrow. Thanks BUNCHES everyone!!
~Christine
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Latest News
Yesterday I saw my GI doctor, the first time in a LONG time, and we discussed a lot of things. He is really suspicious as to whether or not I truly have Gastroparesis or not. He thinks that I might have another incurable disorder called Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. The only way to really know for sure is for me to repeat the Gastric Emptying Test, a test where I eat a sandwich (YUCK) that contains some radioactive dye and then I have to lie on this table while an x-ray machine takes pictures of my stomach every minute, tracking the progression of the dye to see how long it takes for my stomach to empty. The last time I did that test it showed that it took my stomach three times longer than the normal stomach to empty, so we shall see the outcome of it this time. He's also referring me outside of Kaiser to UCLA to a doctor that specializes in Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, so we shall see how that goes. He also took me off of Reglan, the motility medication that I felt wasn't really helping my stomach situation at all. Besides that, being on it for long periods of time can cause something called Tardive Disconesia, which is basically permanent twitching of the face. My bottom lip sometimes does an impression of The King (Elvis) all on its own, so it's nice being off of it, especially since I don't really think it was doing it's job.
When you've been sick for a really long time (it's been 11 months), depression begins to set in. There's no sense in hiding it or being ashamed of it. It's a fact of being seriously ill and being cooped up in a house for a long time. I know, though, without a shadow of a doubt that my faith in God has not wavered one bit. I know that He is with me always and that He will be with me every step of the way, even when I am better. I have been lucky enough to read some wonderful devotionals written by some wonderful pastors such as my very own Pastor Greg as well as Pastor James McDonald, both of whom have gone through a trial much more severe than my own. Reading their devotionals has helped me get into The Word which, in turn, helps make me feel better because I am drawing closer to God. Then, for Christmas, a lovely friend gave me a devotional called GodChick, so I have added that to my arsenal which has left me in much higher spirits lately.
It's hard to find the positive when you're surrounded by negative feelings all of the time (I'm talking about the vomiting, the nausea, the dizziness, etc.); however, there is something that has come out of this whole thing that I am TOTALLY digging: my new body! I have officially lost 89lbs (granted I haven't lost it in a very healthy way)! I can actually CROSS MY LEGS! Unless you've ever been a hefty girl, you don't understand how awesome it feels to be able to cross your legs! At any rate, I am marveling at my new waist-line and hope to keep it that way once I am better!
I know I've said it before, but I will say it again because I believe that you can never say it enough: Thank you SO MUCH for all of the praying that all of you have been doing on my behalf! I know that God has a plan and a purpose behind my getting ill this year and I'm doing all that I can to learn and grow from it. I know that in His timing the doctors will have an "Ah-Ha" moment and will be able to figure me out or I will be miraculously healed or maybe it isn't in His plan for me to be healed, who knows? All I know is that I need to trust in Him that it will all work out for His glory...Amen?!
For now I would like to ask that people pray for my job situation as I will technically be losing my job come February 1st. I will be placed on a 39 month re-hire list, which is good. If, within that 39 month period I get better (and I will, darn it!) and can return to work, they will find a position for me and I can resume work, just with a different kid. In the meantime, I lose my benefits and have to go onto Cobra and all that jazz, so if you can please pray that the Lord will provide, that would be awesome! I know that I have God on my side and some awesome prayer warriors to help me out, so I REALLY appreciate it!
Until next time!
Me Before I Was Sick (I'm on the Left)
Me At Christmas
When you've been sick for a really long time (it's been 11 months), depression begins to set in. There's no sense in hiding it or being ashamed of it. It's a fact of being seriously ill and being cooped up in a house for a long time. I know, though, without a shadow of a doubt that my faith in God has not wavered one bit. I know that He is with me always and that He will be with me every step of the way, even when I am better. I have been lucky enough to read some wonderful devotionals written by some wonderful pastors such as my very own Pastor Greg as well as Pastor James McDonald, both of whom have gone through a trial much more severe than my own. Reading their devotionals has helped me get into The Word which, in turn, helps make me feel better because I am drawing closer to God. Then, for Christmas, a lovely friend gave me a devotional called GodChick, so I have added that to my arsenal which has left me in much higher spirits lately.
It's hard to find the positive when you're surrounded by negative feelings all of the time (I'm talking about the vomiting, the nausea, the dizziness, etc.); however, there is something that has come out of this whole thing that I am TOTALLY digging: my new body! I have officially lost 89lbs (granted I haven't lost it in a very healthy way)! I can actually CROSS MY LEGS! Unless you've ever been a hefty girl, you don't understand how awesome it feels to be able to cross your legs! At any rate, I am marveling at my new waist-line and hope to keep it that way once I am better!
I know I've said it before, but I will say it again because I believe that you can never say it enough: Thank you SO MUCH for all of the praying that all of you have been doing on my behalf! I know that God has a plan and a purpose behind my getting ill this year and I'm doing all that I can to learn and grow from it. I know that in His timing the doctors will have an "Ah-Ha" moment and will be able to figure me out or I will be miraculously healed or maybe it isn't in His plan for me to be healed, who knows? All I know is that I need to trust in Him that it will all work out for His glory...Amen?!
For now I would like to ask that people pray for my job situation as I will technically be losing my job come February 1st. I will be placed on a 39 month re-hire list, which is good. If, within that 39 month period I get better (and I will, darn it!) and can return to work, they will find a position for me and I can resume work, just with a different kid. In the meantime, I lose my benefits and have to go onto Cobra and all that jazz, so if you can please pray that the Lord will provide, that would be awesome! I know that I have God on my side and some awesome prayer warriors to help me out, so I REALLY appreciate it!
Until next time!
Me Before I Was Sick (I'm on the Left)
Me At Christmas
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Life After Gallbladder Removal
Three weeks ago I had my gallbladder removed, something that normally doesn't happen until you're in your 50s. Because of the rapid weight loss that happened as a result of the Gastroparesis (85lbs. now), I ended up with gallstones, thus the removal of the gallbladder I had been SO attached to for 30 years. The surgery itself went well. I had a little bit of a hard time waking up from the anesthetic (which is normal for me), but other than that everything went fine. Naturally, I was quite sore...I mean, the surgeon did go into my abdomen and make scrambled eggs, or at least that's what it felt like! Things went well the first 2 nights, then the 3rd night came...that's when I got the hiccups! OHMYLANTA! Talk about an experience you'll never forget! I was paralyzed with pain! At any rate, I'm three weeks out from surgery and am still trying to heal. There was a minor snafoo of sorts pertaining to my incisions...they weren't healing properly and 2 of them still aren't closed even though the staples have been taken out, but I just have to keep a close eye on them, no biggie.
Today I was seen by a GI nurse practitioner and we discussed by condition of Gastroparesis a little. At this point I'm considered as having a moderate case of Gastroparesis and, at this point, they can only manage it with medications and a Gastroparesis diet. When she showed me and my mom the diet plan, we couldn't help but laugh because there were things on there that I cannot eat (i.e eggs, 3oz of chicken, etc), so I will more than likely have to remain on a mostly liquid diet because my stomach cannot tolerate solid foods. I will go back and see her again in 2 weeks to discuss how the diet and this new medication she wants me to try has worked and we will go from there.
I really do appreciate all of the prayers that I know many of you are saying for me. I cannot fathom the amount that is going up for me, some by people I do not know or do not know well. I SINCERELY appreciate everything, every thought and prayer that everyone has had for me over the last ten months. I wish that there was a way that I can express my gratitude better, but I know that there isn't so I will just simply say: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything!
I know that God has a plan and a purpose behind this illness. In this time of trial He will become glorified while I, as long as I cling to Him and rely on Him, will become more refined than gold. Knowing that is the only thing that keeps me going. I may not always say the right things and I may have moments where I get a little whiny and depressed, but I am only human and will break down; but in my weakness He is stronger!
Today I was seen by a GI nurse practitioner and we discussed by condition of Gastroparesis a little. At this point I'm considered as having a moderate case of Gastroparesis and, at this point, they can only manage it with medications and a Gastroparesis diet. When she showed me and my mom the diet plan, we couldn't help but laugh because there were things on there that I cannot eat (i.e eggs, 3oz of chicken, etc), so I will more than likely have to remain on a mostly liquid diet because my stomach cannot tolerate solid foods. I will go back and see her again in 2 weeks to discuss how the diet and this new medication she wants me to try has worked and we will go from there.
I really do appreciate all of the prayers that I know many of you are saying for me. I cannot fathom the amount that is going up for me, some by people I do not know or do not know well. I SINCERELY appreciate everything, every thought and prayer that everyone has had for me over the last ten months. I wish that there was a way that I can express my gratitude better, but I know that there isn't so I will just simply say: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything!
I know that God has a plan and a purpose behind this illness. In this time of trial He will become glorified while I, as long as I cling to Him and rely on Him, will become more refined than gold. Knowing that is the only thing that keeps me going. I may not always say the right things and I may have moments where I get a little whiny and depressed, but I am only human and will break down; but in my weakness He is stronger!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Trying A New Perspective
Having a long term illness is difficult, but I'm trying my best to have a new perspective on the whole deal. God is having me go through this for a reason, to refine me for a purpose that, at this point, only He knows the reasons behind and the outcome; but I'm sure at the end of this, I will know every minute detail behind this trial. Job 23:10 says: He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My hope is that I come out at the end of this extremely sparkley gold (though I prefer silver, but since gold is biblical, I'll take it!...It's a joke, laugh please!)
I wanted to update y'all that don't know the latest news, but I have to have my gallbladder removed because I have gallstones. I had my consultation today and found out that the pain that I've been having in my stomach isn't related to my gallbladder, so we're going to see how the surgery goes and, if it doesn't clear up after the surgery, then I'll have to go see my gastroenterologist again and see what's going on. I am currently scheduled to have my surgery on November 10th, so if everyone can keep me in prayer on that day, that would be awesome!
I really do appreciate everyone that prays for me. Every little prayer, whether big or small, does help, so keep them coming!
I wanted to update y'all that don't know the latest news, but I have to have my gallbladder removed because I have gallstones. I had my consultation today and found out that the pain that I've been having in my stomach isn't related to my gallbladder, so we're going to see how the surgery goes and, if it doesn't clear up after the surgery, then I'll have to go see my gastroenterologist again and see what's going on. I am currently scheduled to have my surgery on November 10th, so if everyone can keep me in prayer on that day, that would be awesome!
I really do appreciate everyone that prays for me. Every little prayer, whether big or small, does help, so keep them coming!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Pass The Maylox Please
Here it is midnight, the night before I'm supposed to be seeing the ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist) and I cannot sleep because my stomach is killing me. Not a good thing. I'm sure that you've noticed how that it is a reoccurring theme with me: my stupid, idiotic, non-functioning stomach. I called my Gastroenterologist this week to let him know that, despite having the endoscopy with botox two weeks ago, I am still experiencing the same symptoms (persistent vomiting, sometimes hours after consuming a food item and having it come up whole). Instead of having me come in, he's having me take a cocktail of drugs which includes 2 anti-emetics and one medication that helps food move through my system. I've been on all of these meds in different combinations in the past and, obviously, they haven't worked otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today. However, being the dutiful patient, I am taking the little cocktail as directed just so that I can say that I gave it the ol' college try before I give him a ring again and ask him what we're going to do next. Seriously, people, I ate a few tablespoons of rice and I can feel it sitting in my stomach going nowhere! That's not normal!
As much as I like my GI doctor (because I really do, he's a good doctor), sometimes I really don't think doctors in general realize how much pain and anguish they put their patients through by putting us on these different cocktails to try in different variations. I almost feel like a lab rat or something. I admit, I'm not expelling the contents of my stomach as much as I was before he put me on this cocktail, but I still am having intimate conversations with Porcelain John. I don't know....I guess my point is that I'm frustrated...I'm sick of being sick...I hurt in more ways than I can describe and I don't think that there are many people that can understand that. I'm not seeking sympathy...I'm not trying to have a pity party...I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad...I guess I'm just in a really bad place right now because everything is so up in the air with my health and it really stinks. At least when you have a concrete diagnosis with a concrete plan, you know what's ahead, but I'm just one conundrum after another which has the doctors scratching their heads and me sitting in complete darkness.
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me, whether it be a cure, a successful treatment, the return of Jesus, or me going to Heaven; at this point, I'll take any of those scenarios. All I know is that I want the pain to stop.
As much as I like my GI doctor (because I really do, he's a good doctor), sometimes I really don't think doctors in general realize how much pain and anguish they put their patients through by putting us on these different cocktails to try in different variations. I almost feel like a lab rat or something. I admit, I'm not expelling the contents of my stomach as much as I was before he put me on this cocktail, but I still am having intimate conversations with Porcelain John. I don't know....I guess my point is that I'm frustrated...I'm sick of being sick...I hurt in more ways than I can describe and I don't think that there are many people that can understand that. I'm not seeking sympathy...I'm not trying to have a pity party...I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad...I guess I'm just in a really bad place right now because everything is so up in the air with my health and it really stinks. At least when you have a concrete diagnosis with a concrete plan, you know what's ahead, but I'm just one conundrum after another which has the doctors scratching their heads and me sitting in complete darkness.
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me, whether it be a cure, a successful treatment, the return of Jesus, or me going to Heaven; at this point, I'll take any of those scenarios. All I know is that I want the pain to stop.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tears Behind Closed Doors
When people see me out and about they usually comment on how good I look and how good I sound…I’d imagine the looks have a lot to do with the 66+ pounds that I’ve lost (I’ve lost an elementary school child!)…But I suppose it also has something to do with the fact that I don’t dress in a bathrobe and slippers, looking all dumpy and forlorn due to my present circumstances. There’s a reason behind my dressing and acting more upbeat than I actually feel: I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer for those around me. Who wants to be around a Gloomy Gus all of the time? I certainly don’t want to and I’m the one that feels like a semi-truck has taken residence on top of my body!!
By-and-large I have taken the approach that there are people out there in the world whose situations are FAR worse than mine. That, and knowing that God has a plan and purpose behind all of this, has helped me get through the nearly 8 months of this illness. I know that I could be confined to a wheelchair, dependent upon tubes of all sorts to keep me alive; bed-ridden and on life support; or a whole host of other scenarios that are FAR worse than what I’m going through. So, Porcelain John and I have grown to have a close relationship; granted, he’s not the Prince Charming I’ve been dreaming of all of my life, but things could be worse!
However, there’s a flip-side to all of this tough exterior and humor that I put out. There are tears that I have cried that I have not let others see or hear. I can’t tell you exactly why I haven’t allowed people to see these tears…I think part of it is that I feel misunderstood. I might LOOK fine. I might SOUND fine…but I’m not. This illness has taken SO much away from me….ripped friends away from me because I’m unable to participate in their lives because I lack the energy and become a burden to take anywhere because I have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. I can’t drive anywhere so people have to come to me. I am NOT trying to make ANYONE feel bad…this is just how this illness is making ME feel bad!
I love everyone and I appreciate your prayers more than words can express! I just needed you all to know that, even though I might LOOK fine and SOUND fine, I’m putting on a show for your benefit so that I’m not a Debbie Downer because there are enough of those kinds of people who come by it naturally in this world.
By-and-large I have taken the approach that there are people out there in the world whose situations are FAR worse than mine. That, and knowing that God has a plan and purpose behind all of this, has helped me get through the nearly 8 months of this illness. I know that I could be confined to a wheelchair, dependent upon tubes of all sorts to keep me alive; bed-ridden and on life support; or a whole host of other scenarios that are FAR worse than what I’m going through. So, Porcelain John and I have grown to have a close relationship; granted, he’s not the Prince Charming I’ve been dreaming of all of my life, but things could be worse!
However, there’s a flip-side to all of this tough exterior and humor that I put out. There are tears that I have cried that I have not let others see or hear. I can’t tell you exactly why I haven’t allowed people to see these tears…I think part of it is that I feel misunderstood. I might LOOK fine. I might SOUND fine…but I’m not. This illness has taken SO much away from me….ripped friends away from me because I’m unable to participate in their lives because I lack the energy and become a burden to take anywhere because I have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. I can’t drive anywhere so people have to come to me. I am NOT trying to make ANYONE feel bad…this is just how this illness is making ME feel bad!
I love everyone and I appreciate your prayers more than words can express! I just needed you all to know that, even though I might LOOK fine and SOUND fine, I’m putting on a show for your benefit so that I’m not a Debbie Downer because there are enough of those kinds of people who come by it naturally in this world.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
IVs...Endoscopies...Nerve Conduction Tests...and Bridal Showers
As we all know, life never goes according to plan, ESPECIALLY when you're sick, at least that's the way it seems to me. Today I was supposed to have a two-fer at Kaiser, have my nerve conduction test and then go downstairs and have my endoscopy where they were going to inject my pylorus (the sphincter-like opening at the bottom part of my stomach) with botox to paralyze it open. Well, I get to my Neurologist's office on time and commence to wait and wait and wait for over and hour to the point where it was getting time for me to be downstairs for the endoscopy. So my nerve conduction test was rescheduled to Friday morning at 10am (and I see the Ophthalmologist at 4pm on Friday) and then I "ran"--Christine's version of running, which is more like a healthy person's slow walk--to Gastroenterology and get checked in.
When they call me back they asked me when the last time was that I ate and I explained to the nurse that I don't actually eat solid food, but I had a protein shake at 7:45 this morning, but proceeded to evacuate it at around 11:30am, so there's nothing in my stomach. Then when they tried to start an IV, I was dehydrated, so it took two stabs to get an IV in. The first one they tried, the vein blew...I guess that's a sign of dehydration. Then the next thing I know I was wheeled into the procedure room where I quickly asked my doctor about referring me to a nutritionist because, if this botox procedure works, I will be able to eat some things but not other things, so I feel like I need some guidance. My doctor totally agreed to it (he's a cool guy) and then they proceeded to load me up with meds and the next thing I know it was done!
In recovery, my mom got to come and be with me and my doctor came by to talk with us. I don't remember much of what he said because I was in and out of consciousness (I was LOADED), but I do remember him saying it would take about 2 weeks before we would really know whether or not the procedure worked or not. If it DOES work, then the effects can last up to 9 months (I think) then when it starts wearing off he will have to do a surgery where he permanently opens up the pylorus. If it does NOT work, then it's kind of back to the drawing board. It could mean a number of things for me: TPN (an IV feeding tube that goes down the neck), a feeding tube in the stomach, or a surgery to remove part of my stomach and attaching it to my small intestines. I'm cautiously optimistic that the botox is going to work...I don't want to get my hopes up, only to have them dashed if it doesn't work, so I'm trying to just be kind of indifferent about the whole thing. I've just been ill for so long and had several medications not work for me that I've learned to not rely too heavily on the reliability of any medication or procedure.
Friday is going to be a long, interesting, and fun day all wrapped up into one. I have the nerve conduction at 10am, the test that I "lovingly" refer to as the "zappy zappy" test because the doctor will literally be shocking me. Then at 4pm I see the Ophthalmologist because the Neurologist thought he had seen something cloudy behind my right eye, so he's having that checked out. Now, I don't know if the eye doctor is going to dilate my eyes or not. If she does, I'm in trouble because I'm going to my friend's bridal shower after that and everyone will be signing! The last time I had my eyes dilated, they stayed that way for HOURS and I couldn't see much of anything, so this could be potentially problematic.
That's the latest and greatest news in Christine's Dizzy Life!
When they call me back they asked me when the last time was that I ate and I explained to the nurse that I don't actually eat solid food, but I had a protein shake at 7:45 this morning, but proceeded to evacuate it at around 11:30am, so there's nothing in my stomach. Then when they tried to start an IV, I was dehydrated, so it took two stabs to get an IV in. The first one they tried, the vein blew...I guess that's a sign of dehydration. Then the next thing I know I was wheeled into the procedure room where I quickly asked my doctor about referring me to a nutritionist because, if this botox procedure works, I will be able to eat some things but not other things, so I feel like I need some guidance. My doctor totally agreed to it (he's a cool guy) and then they proceeded to load me up with meds and the next thing I know it was done!
In recovery, my mom got to come and be with me and my doctor came by to talk with us. I don't remember much of what he said because I was in and out of consciousness (I was LOADED), but I do remember him saying it would take about 2 weeks before we would really know whether or not the procedure worked or not. If it DOES work, then the effects can last up to 9 months (I think) then when it starts wearing off he will have to do a surgery where he permanently opens up the pylorus. If it does NOT work, then it's kind of back to the drawing board. It could mean a number of things for me: TPN (an IV feeding tube that goes down the neck), a feeding tube in the stomach, or a surgery to remove part of my stomach and attaching it to my small intestines. I'm cautiously optimistic that the botox is going to work...I don't want to get my hopes up, only to have them dashed if it doesn't work, so I'm trying to just be kind of indifferent about the whole thing. I've just been ill for so long and had several medications not work for me that I've learned to not rely too heavily on the reliability of any medication or procedure.
Friday is going to be a long, interesting, and fun day all wrapped up into one. I have the nerve conduction at 10am, the test that I "lovingly" refer to as the "zappy zappy" test because the doctor will literally be shocking me. Then at 4pm I see the Ophthalmologist because the Neurologist thought he had seen something cloudy behind my right eye, so he's having that checked out. Now, I don't know if the eye doctor is going to dilate my eyes or not. If she does, I'm in trouble because I'm going to my friend's bridal shower after that and everyone will be signing! The last time I had my eyes dilated, they stayed that way for HOURS and I couldn't see much of anything, so this could be potentially problematic.
That's the latest and greatest news in Christine's Dizzy Life!
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